“We are a kind and friendly school!”
It’s a phrase we, and I, say often at the Harrodian. It is said to prospective parents, to reassure the new or the nervous among us, or in reproach to a pupil who seems to have missed the memo. However, it is a statement we must never take for granted, given that we operate in a city and a culture that does not always give kindness top billing.
For what it’s worth, I do believe we have more than our share of ‘nice’ at the Harrodian. This may be down to our unusually beautiful and relaxed physical environment, or perhaps our pupil demographics; boys and girls who are for the most part cultured, well-travelled and privileged to have been afforded a great start in life. Nonetheless, that is not the whole story. It would be deeply naïve to think we are a school entirely devoid of cliques, friendship rifts, toxic social media interactions and, yes, even bullying (although, again, it would appear we have suffered significantly fewer instances of it in our senior community than would be considered ‘normal’).
Our youngsters are exposed to a great deal around them in the wider cultural context, that is not kind.
The existence of some unkindness in the school should not surprise us. After all, our youngsters are exposed to a great deal around them in the wider cultural context, that is not kind. Brexit Britain is proving a fractured place thus far, giving a voice to those speaking harshly about the immigrant communities who give so much vibrant character both to our city and our school. Meanwhile, social network platforms such as Instagram, while offering plenty to inspire, undoubtedly lend themselves to a narcissism and insecurity that can then see users lash out at others. Indeed, the likes of Miley Cyrus, Stephen Fry and Sue Perkins shut down social media profiles due to the tide of abuse and negativity they encountered, while Taylor Swift, Ellen Page and Tom Daley have each received online death threats from strangers deemed credible by the police. Even the current Leader of the Free World himself, whatever else may eventually be said of his unfolding legacy, stands as a disappointingly unapologetic proponent of online bullying, exhibiting a high-profile belief that aggression ‘Trumps’ kindness.
In short, kindness is not a default position. Like all other values it is aspirational – it must be taught and sought. We know that while their innocent faces often disguise it, infants are as likely to scratch as to cuddle a fellow youngster. Cute as they often may be, all toddlers are self-interested, jealous for attention and highly possessive over what is theirs. Like literacy or numeracy, the virtues we want to see in our young people must be role modelled and deliberately taught to them as they grow towards adulthood. It is a long-term project in which parents/family are ideally the senior partners while schools take the supporting role. But neither should be abdicating this responsibility – lest we grow young adults equipped to pass their exams, but ultimately detrimental to the communities they join.
When kindness was proposed as our latest school theme, I know there were those who deemed it a little ‘soft’ or more befitting the younger pupils, hence the claim in the title of this blog that it is an underrated virtue. But the truth is, for all that youngsters (or is it all of us?) want to be perceived as edgy and cool, we all desperately need kindness. A truly kind person is not easily forgotten or cast aside. Life is stressful and exhausting without the support of someone to give us time, understanding and the benefit of the doubt. Everyone needs a listening ear and a generous response on occasion. It is true that harsh sarcasm can draw cheap laughs and that sharp elbows can take us to the front of the queue, but we may be left lonely when we get there.
Kindness is a true ‘value’ in the sense that it is truly valuable. Put into meaningful action, it retains the power to turn lives around...
Kindness is a true ‘value’ in that it is truly valuable. Put into meaningful action, it retains the power to turn lives around and is perhaps the key ingredient in our wider school initiative to prioritise and promote good mental health. But it’s not enough just to believe yourself kind, or solely to think kind thoughts. As we will be teaching Harrodians this term, the true value, and measure, of kindness lies in the actions that each of us takes.