What can we do to ensure that the sort of harmful sexual behaviour recently called out on the Everyone's Invited website is eradicated from schools? Andy Woodward explains the steps Harrodian is taking to tackle the problem
Hello! Sorry it’s been a while. By way of an excuse, this has truly been a term like no other…
Aside from the small matter of a global pandemic – masks, bubbles and all – March saw us alerted to the existence of a website called Everyone’s Invited, through which girls and women had begun anonymously sharing their experiences of harassment and harmful sexual behaviour experienced within school communities, sometimes even within school grounds. Following on from the terrible murder of Sarah Everard that month, and against the backdrop of the fierce public anger that tragedy ignited, these accounts and the culture they revealed gave a shocking and timely jolt to, among others, parents, the government and those schools, Harrodian included, that were mentioned.
We know, in support of our parents, that we have a key role to play in educating our pupils and changing the way they behave. It is a responsibility we have always taken on, but have done so anew with energy and openness,
We have had to face the distressing fact that our boys have at times acted wrongly and harmfully. It has led to us assisting Ofsted, commissioned by the government to visit a range of schools, in preparing their report on this matter. We know, in support of our parents, that we have a key role to play in educating our pupils and changing the way they behave. It is a responsibility we have always taken on, but have done so anew with energy and openness, knowing that any success we achieve, in girls feeling safer and empowered to speak out, in boys understanding the impact of their words and actions and amending them accordingly, in us fostering a school environment marked by respect and healthy communication… would ultimately prove more valuable than any clean sweep of 9s in GCSE Maths or Science.
While the Pre-Prep and Prep sections of the school have been engaging with these issues in their own, age-appropriate, PSHE programmes, it is my place to convey what our response this year has looked like in the Senior School. This is not in order to seek any congratulation; we really do know it’s a long process, consisting of small and hopefully steady gains. But to that end, and with the invaluable help of great female colleagues who know this issue better than me, we delivered a form time session including our key messages to all year groups, before dividing them into same-sex groups for talks, questions and (for the girls) the completion of a questionnaire, designed to assess the tone of our school culture and identify those obstacles that might stand in the way of someone coming forwards to disclose. Over the holidays we then trained up an inspiring team of 6th Form volunteers and then, having developed with them a set of case studies based loosely around the scenarios detailed on Everyone’s Invited, asked them to help us run small-group workshop sessions based around these, delivered to all of our Year 9s and Year 10s (with Year 11 to participate next, following their Summer Assessments). The fact much of this fell at the same time as our regular Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) in PSHE also meant we’ve had lots of fruitful opportunities to reaffirm messages of consent within our delivery of that, as well as welcoming our regular RSE visiting speaker Amy, who has spoken to both Year 9 and 10.
The message we want to deliver to Harrodian girls is that they need not suffer any ill treatment or disrespect in silence. We want them to know they have the absolute right to feel safe, respected and in control.
So how has it gone? Well, I will tentatively venture that the talks and workshops have been well received by most. Some boys have felt defensive and bombarded at times – online and by the media before they even reach school. It has been important to assure them that we’re not accusing them of things – but rather that we’re asking them to ensure they hold themselves and their friends to high standards in their conduct towards girls going forwards. That is a role no one gets to excuse themselves from. But in general, there is appreciation that these things have been spoken about and that our messages have been consistent and strong. I do think it has helped give pupils a vocabulary and a frame of reference. The feedback we’ve received from our community suggests there has been some initial shift in the behaviour of teenage boys at present. That there may now be second thoughts – borne of peer scrutiny or self-reflection – around the unwelcome sexualisation of female peers where, unhappily, it might just have been tolerated as an ‘inevitable’ part of teenage interaction before. It’s great if any change has indeed been perceived, but then we must continue working to ensure these are not merely short-term acts of self-preservation, from those perhaps fearing ‘cancellation’ in the context of a trending social movement. We dare to dream of some deeper and more long-term reassessment of attitude and conduct. We really do want this generation to do better…
Which brings us to the key consideration. What actually are, to use my phrase above, the ‘key messages’ we are looking to deliver? They must derive from us listening to the many stories that have been shared in recent months. Because it does seem that too many women and girls beyond a certain age (an age that is younger than we would ever want to believe) have those stories. Stories of unwelcome touching. Of cat calling. Of feeling uncomfortably pressured. Of feeling unsafe. Of having to survive experiences that are traumatic and harmful. The message we want to deliver to Harrodian girls is that they need not suffer any ill treatment or disrespect in silence. That we want them to be able to challenge behaviour they feel to be wrong and to feel supported in explaining why. That we want them to know they can call upon the support of the school if they want it. That we want them to know they have the absolute right to feel safe, respected and in control. And the message we want to deliver to boys is that, that while it is, of course, OK and natural to feel attracted to others, this doesn’t – ever – give license to touch without consent, to demand sexual interaction, to apply pressure and cause discomfort, or to regard someone as a body more than as a person. Those things need to be recognised, by everyone in our community and beyond, as wrong and unacceptable. Instead, they must treat others with genuine respect and listen to their views and wishes, just as they should respect themselves and believe they can be a part of the solution – can be young men that we all feel proud of.
The message for boys is that, that while it is natural to feel attracted to others, this doesn’t – ever – give license to touch without consent, to demand sexual interaction, to apply pressure and cause discomfort, or to regard someone as a body more than as a person.
This is not an easy time for young people navigating the confusion of adolescence. I’m not sure that time was ever easy for anyone, but those of us who grew up without an internet-enabled phone in our pocket never knew as a teenager the temptation of pornography available at the press of a button – and all the toxic and misleading relationship modelling that implies. Neither did we know the overwhelming 24-hour pressures inherent in social media, never mind all this in the context of repeated lockdowns, where so many healthy social interactions have been blocked.
Harassment of girls and ‘Harmful Sexual Behaviour’ has always been around, but it has never been so visible within the wider culture, even as that same culture condemns it. Certainly, like so many of the challenges of our age, this is a work of years to come. We need to teach and talk to young people, truthfully and with compassion, offering real support and care for any who have been wronged by these behaviours, and believing that change can yet be achieved. Schools are only a part of the picture, but a really significant part. With extra time now given over to PSHE on next year’s timetable, we at Harrodian are willing and ready to continue taking on the challenge…
Mr Woodward is Assistant Head of Harrodian Senior School. He welcomes feedback on his blog to: website@harrodian.com